I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
