Having a random hookup so left but love u
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
