True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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