and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
