the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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