i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
