I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
