If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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