ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
