Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
