sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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