I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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