...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
