I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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