she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
