i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bring me that man meat
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize