i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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