Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Can Purell be used as lube?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
