i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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