You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
