Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize