he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
