Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
