Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
