really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
