covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
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