I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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