i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
