Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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