I haven't been this sober since birth.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
