i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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