onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
