i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
