i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
