So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
