He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
