awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
