it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Alive.
So much puke
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
