Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
