Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
