No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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