I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
