Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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