Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
