But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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