OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
