y did u give ur computer a hand job?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
