Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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