The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
