I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
