before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
