my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
