one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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