you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
