Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
