wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
