I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
