We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
