wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
