Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
