Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
