I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
