i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
