youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
