I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
