But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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