Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
