He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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