so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize