I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
