Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
