Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
