$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
