Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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