look no pants
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
